Here is a little summary about myself as told by me. I am a very intriguing person with a captivating quintessence. I have won a host of awards for my singular personality. I am probably the most interesting person you are ever likely to come upon. I travel about the world to feed malnourished children. I will be providing Saddam Hussein's legal (and wardrobe) counsel. I rearrange furniture using only the power of my mind. I was recently commissioned to create one of the FDR memorials on the Washington Mall. I've climbed Mt. Everest (twice... second time without oxygen). I created the very first Pez dispenser. I routinely forget the spelling of fahrenheit but always favor it in spite of this fact. I have no mental illnesses that I am willing to share with you. I taught both Ronald Reagan and Bill Clinton the ability to cry on cue. I've never kissed a trial lawyer. I know how to acquire world peace, but I enjoy conflict. I fought my way to the fourth circle of hell and it was populated by clowns.
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| In 1976 I received a Nobel Prize in economics, but a year later I became weary with academic life and became a starting midfielder for River Plate. I am currently in secret negotiations with the North Korean government. There is a stamp in circulation with my finger prints on it. I have rappelled off the Lincoln memorial. I collect styrofoam replicas of letters that can actually be found in the alphabet. I created the english language in a former life. I refuse to believe that children-children of all things-are the future. I hold the world record for the longest blink. I can use the word anal in a sentence with no sexual references and nary a giggle. I have written seven grammy winning songs. I have the world's most important collection of Happy Meal toys. I have never been ill and am immune to all viral infections. I was the force behind the Brown v. Board of Education Supreme Court decision. I breed championship chia pets. I am a regular on Larry King. Laws do not apply to me. I teach people how to be creative. I could tell you in what year the War of 1812 began. I listen to all deconstructive feedback. |
| I am current on my shots and I have never told a lie. I am never boastful. I think the folks who write cards for Hallmark are true geniuses. I am pathologically irreverent but respectful of parochial community standards. I can understand debates on the Senate floor. I tour in a one-woman show. I won't admit that I dream of a Spice Girls reunion. I like to follow as long as I'm in front. The results of my recent IQ test--well, let's just say I'm smarter than you are. I am the only straight guy on the planet who can correctly identify houndstooth or periwinkle. I am afraid to say "periwinkle" in public. I know where Jimmy Hoffa is. I am a firm believer in moral decay. I contribute to the "clean up Sesame Street" foundation. I will marry Barbie Millicent Roberts. Surprise, the tax laws changed and I am now tax deductible. I think the rich should send me money. I am my own posse. I believe that people should think for themselves and do as I say. |
| Intimidated? Frightened? Appalled? If not, you can use the following form to drop me a note, ask for information or just generally taunt me. Go ahead. I'm rich, famous and have superb legal counsel. I'd love to hear from you--especially if you have a cool name like Natasha. Must I beg? |
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